Post by The Gamut on Jan 31, 2023 19:23:01 GMT
initially i wanted to make a thread for fictives to post random thoughts about... being a fictive, stuff like that. and i went to start with my own thought but it turned into an absolute tangent instead of just a "thought." regardless, if people still want to use this thread in that way, feel free. i feel like there's not much to be said to me except "that's rough, buddy" so go wild.
for context, i'm basically from a pretty obscure AU. like, AU of an AU levels obscure, it's complicated and i'm not going into it, especially since i like to keep my source private. about a year or so ago, the project i'm from was basically cancelled due to personal reasons and it's been radio silence since.
before i start talking i wanna say i don't like, have any bitterness towards the creator for getting into different stuff. good for them, genuinely. interests change, that's fine. no ill will. but it is really trippy to see the person who "made" you in this world just... move on with their life. it's hard to explain. i know that seems dumb because most projects come to an end, but that's the thing. my source never really "ended." there's a lot left unsaid. it's just hanging, so to speak. not that i remember the actual "plot" of it ever occurring, but still. so there's this fundamental, kind of somber feeling of a lack of closure.
made even worse by the fact that i have conflicting (at best) feelings about my origins being psychological or metaphysical. i dunno if any other fictives struggle with this. but due to the nature of my own beliefs and the way souls work in my home universe, the idea i'm some reincarnation or spiritual traveler or something is pretty hard to believe. and it feels like the only other explanation is that i'm some mental construct and that all the things i remember never "technically" happened (at least not to me) and that is equally difficult to accept. so generally i just don't think about it ever and so far that's been working pretty okay for me. except for moments like this where i get existential. and it's frustrating sometimes because our other fictives don't really struggle with this at all so i feel kinda alone about it.
i just feel like a relic of the past. and i'm old enough as is. also i miss my sister but what else is new.
anyways, not sure what good that'll do but i guess it did feel kinda nice to get that off my mind. usually i'm the type to keep my cards close to my chest but i've been here for a couple years now and it feels like all i do is talk with our platonic partner system and nap. 95% napping, actually. so maybe i should put myself out there more... anyways. peace.
— serif
for context, i'm basically from a pretty obscure AU. like, AU of an AU levels obscure, it's complicated and i'm not going into it, especially since i like to keep my source private. about a year or so ago, the project i'm from was basically cancelled due to personal reasons and it's been radio silence since.
before i start talking i wanna say i don't like, have any bitterness towards the creator for getting into different stuff. good for them, genuinely. interests change, that's fine. no ill will. but it is really trippy to see the person who "made" you in this world just... move on with their life. it's hard to explain. i know that seems dumb because most projects come to an end, but that's the thing. my source never really "ended." there's a lot left unsaid. it's just hanging, so to speak. not that i remember the actual "plot" of it ever occurring, but still. so there's this fundamental, kind of somber feeling of a lack of closure.
made even worse by the fact that i have conflicting (at best) feelings about my origins being psychological or metaphysical. i dunno if any other fictives struggle with this. but due to the nature of my own beliefs and the way souls work in my home universe, the idea i'm some reincarnation or spiritual traveler or something is pretty hard to believe. and it feels like the only other explanation is that i'm some mental construct and that all the things i remember never "technically" happened (at least not to me) and that is equally difficult to accept. so generally i just don't think about it ever and so far that's been working pretty okay for me. except for moments like this where i get existential. and it's frustrating sometimes because our other fictives don't really struggle with this at all so i feel kinda alone about it.
i just feel like a relic of the past. and i'm old enough as is. also i miss my sister but what else is new.
anyways, not sure what good that'll do but i guess it did feel kinda nice to get that off my mind. usually i'm the type to keep my cards close to my chest but i've been here for a couple years now and it feels like all i do is talk with our platonic partner system and nap. 95% napping, actually. so maybe i should put myself out there more... anyways. peace.
— serif
